How to be content when life is not perfect

So there was the era of “the highlight reel”. Where, on the internet, everyone’s life was perfect and amazing. Maybe some people are still there – OR their life IS perfect and amazing. But one day someone said, “highlight reels are bad” so we shifted into an era of “my life is ugly and complicated and messy and so NOW I’m authentic”. Maybe we’ll call this the transparency age.

I never did identify with either of those labels.

Where is the “Life is not perfect, but I am still TOTALLY content” label?

 

Because my life is not perfect, but it is amazing. It can get messy and it’s usually complicated, but it’s not at all ugly.

My house is not usually struck by a messy tornado each day, maybe just a constant state of breezy.

My kids are not usually insane. Yes, they have their moments. And on YOUR scale of insane, they could be one step away from being committed, or you might consider them totally perfect.

My husband and marriage is not perfect. But it IS perfectly made for ME. And I am still a smitten kitten 20 years later.

My job is not a fairy tale, and it takes hard work and constant demanding attention. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world and I cherish every single day I get to do it.

This does not make me a neglectful mother (because I choose to work). Nor does this make me a terrible business owner because I am dedicated to my family.

 

If I share the positive things, to the world… it’s a highlight reel. And so, you are now trained to dismiss it as such. An unattainable example of what can never be real life.

Fearing this, I might be inclined to jump on the “but my life is not perfect – so here’s some mess” reel to balance it out.

How sad.

That we now have to make this complicated decision on a constant basis so that we can “appear” to be well rounded, NOT perfect, NOT ugly, and just the right amount of “authentic”.

 

Life is not perfect, but I am still TOTALLY content. And it should be OK to just share THAT.

 

I wish it were a little easier. That we didn’t have to be so hyper aware of the persona people are being presented with online. The perception people receive of you may not be at ALL what YOU believe you are putting out there.

Once in a while someone is brave enough to tell you the truth and you can see if from a fresh perspective. And it’s not because people are mean and are terribly judgmental and it’s all their fault and I should just be able to live my life and share whatever I want, or don’t want, with no apologies.

NO. I disagree.

Because if I am using my voice online, I have a responsibility to the words I use and I need to be accountable to how they effect people.

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THEN I GOT AN EMAIL

I recently received a message from a photographer regarding a coaching session with me.

 

With permission, here is an excerpt from her email, she writes:

Want to know the truth? I’m afraid that I’m just kidding myself, and being near your company intimidates me to absolutly no end…. I feel like I am an impostor, and everyone I ever take pictures of are just fooled (sigh) there. thats the flat out truth

Where’s that bug eyed emoji? 

I was so grateful for this email. Because as much as it took the wind out of me, I was so grateful to be able to hear it. And to have the opportunity to not only address it, but to take a step back and reflect on the content that I share. A good reminder that words in cyberland sound WAAAAY different then friends having coffee.

My unfiltered response:

GIRRRRLL. Stop that right now. Let’s squash that right now.
#1 NO. You are NOT an impostor. I have seen your work and you are incredibly talented. And I mean that will all sincerity.

The fact that you are intimidated amuses me because seriously, I am no one special AT all. I want to tell you (in equal honesty) that I have felt/feel/will feel the same as you probably always. I want to tell you this to be honest with you, but I don’t want that to take away your confidence in learning from me because I feel that in spite of MY feelings, it has nothing to do with YOUR potential.

#2 I feel like this ALLL of the time. Like after EVERY session. I question why people hire me. If I edit something immediately (while I am still in the emotion of the session) I’m all “ooooh they are so cute and in love”. If I wait too long and go back to edit later, all I see is under/overexposed images or WHY didn’t I just have him turn away or HOW could I NOT have seen that GIANT (fill in the blank totally distracting thing in the back of the picture) here.

#3 I kid you not, before I was published or recognized (for my photography work) I convinced myself that people hire me based on the fact that they know someone who has hired me and THAT IS ALL. A referral that I am not a crazy person. Not because I am a good photographer or anything. Even when I worked for Bravo or NFL – all referrals. I convinced myself that they hire me because they heard I was not a serial killer. That is the cold hard truth. Deep down I’m sure the work had to back it up, but really – it was probably because I have not committed any crimes and perhaps I could be trusted.

The only thing that gets me past all of this is my faith. Brutal honesty. Because I know that God has created me to do more than just take fun pictures of my kids. Even more than just take a nice picture of a nice family. That He has created me to use the gifts that He has given me for HIS purpose. And that purpose (FOR ME – IN THIS SEASON) is to showcase the masterpiece of family. To help people see past the daily grind of life and settle in to the relationships that get them through it. Not just happy nuclear families, but all families, individuals, couples children, etc.

And it’s because of THAT ^ that I am driven to perfect my skill and constantly learn how to take better photographs. How to look for great lighting. How to create a formula to nourish the relationships between people. To cultivate the bonds between them. How to make it a PROFITABLE business, because let’s face it, if it’s costing me money, then I am just kidding myself and that is NOT God’s plan for me. He does not ask me to do this to put my family in debt or under a financial strain or to spend hours and hours of time away from my family.

It’s SOOO hard in this day and age of social media to NOT have comparison of a million amazing photographers thrown in your face uninvited. I suffer from this too. I participate in many photo groups, associations, etc. It’s all around me all of the time. It’s a constant battle to not allow the comparison to creep into influence. For me to remain in MY purpose. 

I just have to keep reminding myself that we ALL started somewhere, for our own purpose, for our own reason and we ALL have a different goal in mind. Some people just like to take pictures for fun while others are supporting their family with a full time business. Some people just want to make enough to take their family on a vacation. It’s ALL valuable and one is not more worthy or better than another. Don’t allow yourself to be convinced otherwise.

The day you can figure out “WHY” you do what you do, then whether or not THEY think you are an impostor (or NOT a serial killer) won’t matter. We should always be growing in our skill set but not because we “suck” now, but because as an artist or storyteller or writer or anything creative, we need to give ourselves permission to be inspired.

 

Life is not perfect, but I am still TOTALLY content. 

My work is not perfect, but I am still totally inspired to continue.

My family is not perfect, but I am still totally in awe that I get to be a part of it, and so we work on it, daily.

I am not perfect, but God has created ME for a purpose.

And one for YOU, too.

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East Coast Fine Art Lifestyle Family Portrait Photographer Angelsea Urban 

Angelsea Urban is a photographer and entrepreneur helping women use their creative gifts to nourish their homes and cultivate their businesses through practical stewardship. Her  photography work focuses on Redefining the Family Portrait Experience by telling the story of each family through personalized foundations while intimately creating a space to strengthen family bonds. Angelsea has helped the careers of photographers, restaurateurs, musicians and general small business owners. Her ministry work focuses on fostering creative gifts in women entrepreneurs to prioritize family and discipleship. She has photographed for families, brides, Bravo TV, NFL Films, and more and has been featured on multiple blogs and magazine print for her work in photography and in business. Angelsea teaches in various engagements across the United States, and resides with her husband of 17 years, their two children, and their barely 3 pound Yorkie, near Long Beach Island, New Jersey.  

To book your session with Angelsea Urban, please visit www.angelseaurban.com

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