Welcome to 31 Days to an Organized Life & Business! For the month of October I will be a participant in The Nester’s 31 days Writing Challenge. Taking some of my own advice and taking you along on my journey to a life reset. I’ll be sharing (and practicing) some tips on everything from bookkeeping, shopping, managing kids, intentional parenting, work from home mom syndrome, work/life balance, spiritual reset and more. Not because I am the expert in these fields, but because they have worked for me in the past, and I so badly need them to work again for me now.
When I say I need this reset I’m not even kidding. When I say I’ll be writing about it, I don’t mean, I’m going to talk about past advice or something that worked once for me 3 years ago. I mean I’m going to hit publish on this blog post, and then go and do what I am writing about today. That is all I can commit to for today. Which means, if you can relate to any of this, I invite you along on this 31 day journey. Watch me triumph or fail, but I’ll be here daily to give you updates. I’d love if you joined me, and keep me posted on your progress as well. There’s hope and support in community here.
If you missed Day 1, or would like to catch up on any other day, click the link on the right hand side or right here.
Be sure to also follow along on Instagram as I post updates throughout the day. #31daystoreset @Angelsea Urban
Thanks for visiting!
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WELCOME TO DAY 10: The real truth about Work Life Balance for mothers
There is no such thing.
Show me a career minded mother who will equally measure her child as important as her job and I will issue a retraction with my apologies immediately.
They will never be equal on the sides of the scale. Ever. Or so I have learned.
She will want to choose her child every time.
The scales will therefore always be off balance. And we wonder why so many working mothers struggle with mom guilt. Because we are told we need to “find” balance. That taking on just the “correct” amount of work so won’t jeopardize our roles as mothers. That it if we only found the correct formula of how much we are allowed to work we would feel like the scales are equal on both sides and we can breathe easy at night, guilt free.
But she will always want to choose her family, every time. And so we need to give up the very idea of balance in order to be able to successfully and confidently walk out who we are meant to be as mothers and how enormously important that role is in the lives of the little ones entrusted to us.
Does this mean we are all called to be stay at home moms? No, not necessarily so. Sometimes mothers are called to inspire their child to seek the fullness of their potential, so they might see a mother living out the fullness of hers. Other times it’s a role of a caretaker in the home, the nurturer. Sometimes mothers are also additional financial providers so their husbands can also be present in the home, and involved in the daily parenting. She could also hold an important role of being the support of her husband, while he walks out the calling for both of them, holding his arms up so he can reach HIS fullest potential.
I also firmly believe that God has entrusted people with gifts and skills and they are meant to be used in a vocation or ministry and sometimes this means working outside the home, or working from home while also raising children.
We can strive and we can search for answers on what that “correct” formula is to keep the scale even, or we can just accept and embrace the fact that we will always want to choose our family first and that will tip the scales off balance, permanently.
The real truth is that there is no balance. And the day that I am in balance in this scenario is when I need to stop and reevaluate my priorities.
Does this mean I can’t work? No, of course not.
Does this mean I have to only work part time or fewer hours. No, not necessarily. Those are details of a bigger picture.
I don’t know what that answer is for you, but for me I think it has to do more with goals and achievements and mental space more than physical time and future appointments. That I may not have my calendar fully booked as much as I think it should be, but that those unexpected time off gave me a chance to have an impromptu heart to heart with my daughter. These things are not always happenstance. That sometimes I will need to say no to things I would otherwise want to say yes to. And that giving my life more white space allows me the fullness to explore areas that are un-planable – which is probably not even a word.
Those decisions are hard for me. Super hard. I know what choosing no looks like. The business side of me fights me every time I choose no because it just doesn’t make sense. And it doesn’t, and that’s when we need to trust in faith that the white space needs to be there for a reason. And we often don’t know the reasons until WAY after that space is created. Attempting to concentrate less on me and my own goals or achievements to allow more of Him.
Sometimes we just need to simply get out of our own way and allow God the space to work through our lives. To operate in the manner that He designed.
For some time I have known this deep down, but always had a hard time reconciling it to the daily grind and hustle of the industries I am in and the life that I am living. It’s difficult seeking guidance on something you don’t even realize you are chasing after.
Enter the beautiful soul of Elizabeth Langford. A talented photographer, wise entrepreneur, wife, mother, and wonderfully influential godly friend. She has been on a crazy adventure of her own launching new businesses and tending to her own family. During one of her latest adventures, she filmed this simple, yet beautifully moving story of Balance, the butterfly, and her journey in trying to catch it.
I was so moved by the look on her sweet daughter’s face imagining how impactful this moment must have been for her while her mom read her this story. Knowing that Mommy just choose her, and how incredibly secure she must have felt then. I bet she doesn’t even realize how incredible that promise was, but one I know she will receive the full benefits of when her and her mama walk hand in hand in this life.
This visual representation of chasing this butterfly represented so much of my own life, and finally there was a reconciliation that my mind could wrap around how I have felt.
That trying to chase after balance would be impossible. Because I will always want to choose my family.
As if we need permission to make that choice.
With Elizabeth’s permission to share, I invite you take a closer look at what balance could look like for you, the working mother who may be struggling trying to chase it.
Thanks for visiting today!
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Be sure to check the blog every day during the Month of October for new content. Or sign up for the VIP Newsletter for important updates.
East Coast Fine Art Lifestyle Family Portrait Photographer Angelsea Urban
Angelsea Urban is a photographer and entrepreneur helping women use their creative gifts to nourish their homes and cultivate their businesses through practical stewardship. Her unique photography work focuses on Redefining the Family Portrait Experience by telling the story of family through personalized foundations while creating a space to strengthen family bonds throughout the experience. As a certified tax professional and seasoned business consultant, Angelsea has helped the careers of photographers, restaurateurs, musicians and general small business owners through teaching, workshops, coaching, and hands on consulting. Her ministry work focuses on fostering creative gifts in women entrepreneurs to prioritize family and discipleship. She has photographed for families, brides, Bravo TV, NFL Films, and more and has been featured on multiple blogs and magazine print for her work in photography and in business. Angelsea teaches and photographs throughout the United States, and resides with her husband of 17 years, their two children, and their barely 3 pound Yorkie near Long Beach Island, New Jersey.
To book your session with Angelsea Urban, please visit www.angelseaurban.com
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